What are boundaries?
“Set Your Boundaries” It sounds like a simple, desirable goal but how do you set it when your potential and capabilities keep bouncing around you without consistency? Where do you place the limit? And what should you do when life changes that horizon for you? How does one follow something that changes sporadically? It would be easy to give up and say I don’t care but what would I learn doing that? Exploring changing boundaries is once again an opportunity to meet who I am.
When I first learned about boundaries ten years ago, I was at a loss with the goal. In my mind, I knew where I wanted to place them and what I wanted to work towards but as I was set to move with it, my body would intervene and to care for myself in those moments, I had to think fast without time to consult my long-term goals. Once a choice was made, I had to flow with it and I lost sight of the boundary I set. It was survival in the moment more than anything else and I could only hope to succeed. I have felt like a failure in boundary setting and as I try it again, I realize that the failure had everything to do with survival. I had hoped that this would be easier without epilepsy in my life but the more I recover, the more I relate to that self.
How does one set a boundary for their body when they don’t know when or if their body will be tired? One moment I’m full of energy, I take two steps and suddenly my left side is numb, and my mind is preparing for injury. I sit down and the numbness turns to warn me that I’m drained of energy. I’m still there and looking normal but inwardly, I feel half dead and feel that getting up is risking injury. If I use the energy to keep going, I risk injury later. If I don’t continue now, I risk losing whatever I was working on. Which boundary should I listen to at this moment? It’s like a post-seizure moment all over again! I can only concentrate on meaning well and hope to set things back on track when the chaos calms down.
They say that you must get to know yourself, and focusing on an outward goal will blur the sight of what is already within and waiting to be. In these moments when chaos is calming down, I realize that boundaries don’t have to be a fence that keeps me in a safe zone promising outward success. My boundaries have been stakes of values that I’ve planted and have remained, even when all other boundary pieces have blown away. I’m not meant to be an outward goals person; it has always been inward goals for me, and they have always succeeded for me. My physical body will continue to confuse me, but I am grounded by my hope, love and perseverance. Life continues changing and I will continue growing while grounded by the values I cherish.
Do you ever struggle with the boundaries you have set? Do you find it hard to let them go to flow with life? Are you proud of the way you have survived your life?
