Why I chose Perseverance

Reflecting on what I chose to be an example of in my life, I found deeper meaning to what has held me through. I was a teenager when I decided that I’d live my life with epilepsy as an example of perseverance. I started my journey focused on creating a statement to the world, but I never knew why I chose it. I’ve never let go of this choice and it sometimes haunts me when the going gets tough.  

Looking back, my reaction to fear, doubt and giving up was always either to turn away or dig for a reason not to feed those options. I’ve always felt that life is giving to us in every occurrence, even if we can’t understand it in the moment or if we feel unworthy in the moment. I feel that feeding the feeling of unworthiness is refusing to respect what life is offering and turning down an opportunity to grow. I admit that I don’t have a full picture of my purpose for being alive but if I give up, I feel disrespectful to life.  

Recently, I decided that self-acceptance was a step up from perseverance. With perseverance, I choose to accept whatever life offers me, but my appreciation is lacking when I don’t accept that I am exactly as I should be. Just as I don’t control the processes of life or always understand everything, I don’t control what goes on in my body or have full understanding of my role as part of the world. If I don’t think too much, I can accept it as part of something I don’t understand, and I can appreciate having a role in it. I persevere to respect life and I accept myself to appreciate life. What I can’t control isn’t meant for me and there is no purpose in fighting for the illusion of control.