What Keeps Me Going
I’ve often felt the inquiry of how I keep going in my life. Having been known as ‘the girl who keeps getting up’ and remembered for my optimism and determination, the motivation that drives me isn’t easily detected. My drive has always been internal. From the time epilepsy entered my life, I knew I didn’t want to believe that I was tainted or give in to the fear projected around me. I wanted to chase faith and truth. What was a quest to not just believe what I was told became an adventure to find the deeper meaning and draw connections. I don’t want to draw quick conclusions; I want to ride the wave to discover meaning. Admittedly, my desired way to live doesn’t fit in a world that requires proof and planning, but my circumstances also proved to not fit in with the ideals I was taught. A life with a neurological disorder taught me to take life as it comes and to be constantly curious about a meaning beyond myself. I can admit being part of something, but I don’t have to claim ownership to know. Enjoyment isn’t in being able to prove, enjoyment is recognizing being part of more. I’m happy to admit that I’ll never have full control of life, and I’ll gladly follow where it takes me to learn more.
It is in choosing to not believe in completion and placing my trust in change that motivates me to keep searching and never stop at a perception, good or bad. I love finding the flip side to make my understanding whole. Life offers various elements to climb and conquer, and it’s the journey to find more that brings us closer to our place as a part of life.
Photo By: Dung Anh https://unsplash.com/@anhdung
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