Path of Not-Knowing: A Step Toward Truth
As I continue sweeping through the ways of my mind, I realize why I must consciously stop myself from drawing quick conclusions. As I feel uncomfortable with uncertainty, my mind starts to draw a conclusion to assure me that I know and once I latch onto a conclusion, my mind starts creating a story to back it up. If I don’t pay attention, I end up believing the story as my memory. The problem with a quick conclusion and stories is that I think I know without having looked at the whole picture. I could easily miss small, important details or have been too reactive to hear the true message. No matter what is happening, patience is needed to let the process follow through. Quick responses interfere with the process and distort the truth.
I’m lucky to have learned this lesson of patience and consciousness before setting conclusions on my journey. Growing up, I listened to adults drawing quick conclusions in uncertainty around me and I used to wonder how they thought they knew what was going on. When I asked them, they had a story (their reasoning) that they held onto to prove the validity of their thought. I noticed that once they believed in what they said they shut themselves off from the truth or any other possibility. I questioned and experimented with this method.
Growing up with daily seizures, it was easy to feel uncertain and get frustrated. When I drew a quick conclusion, it was usually negative in nature and latching onto stories easily got me to avoid the essence of the situation. Over time, this practice felt wrong, and it never answered what I wanted to know. Accepting that there was no way of avoiding the uncertainty and that answers for my condition were scarce, I became curious. I started digging into my first reactions without letting any stories be drawn. I gave what happened time to sink in, dealt with what I had to in the moment and would draw my conclusions after the storm settled. I wanted the truth of my situation, and I wanted a way so I wouldn’t believe that I was being punished for who I was. There had to be a balancing reason, and I wanted to know what it was. When answers didn’t come quickly, I went on a path of not-knowing instead. By admitting that I didn’t know, I opened my mind to more opportunities and what could be.
Recently, my uncertainty has risen again, and I noticed that I easily let my mind wander because I felt tired of this repeat veil of uncertainty. In not consciously controlling my thoughts, it started making stories and deciding it was true. I was lucky to catch myself in the act and reminded of why I choose the path of not-knowing instead. Before writing this, I caught myself in the act and said aloud, “Don’t draw conclusions, it only creates stories!” This stopped the thought process and led me to this reflection. I believe the stories created in uncertain moments are a way of justifying myself because my fear is making me feel unworthy and it’s triggering my ego to prove myself. The truth is that I have nothing to prove and everything to find out so there is no reason for me to feed the fears.
Do you ever find yourself justifying yourself without knowing why? Have you been able to pull yourself out of fear to find your truth? If you have any advice on how to work with uncertainty, I’d love to read them in the comments.
Photo By: Ochimax Studio https://unsplash.com/@ochimaxstudio
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