Denial: A Defense Mechanism
I’ve come to realize that there are different strands to denial. Yes, avoiding truth and using denial for manipulation is bad but it can also be an unconscious defense that guides us in a different direction. I’m not saying that denial is an option for people to consider but I do believe it is a forgivable action depending on the circumstances. If the person in denial isn’t trying to harm anyone purposely, it’s important to understand why they are in denial before condemning them.
Throughout my life, I have often turned away when someone mentioned that I may be in denial. I had taken it as a judgment against me and it added to my denial. At the time, I hardly had a grasp on what was going on or how to explain epilepsy or neurology. The reaction it ignited was too much to handle regularly. I wanted to learn about psychological reactions and therefore studied others to give myself moments of avoiding myself. Eventually, without knowing, I did live in denial but unable to admit it. It felt safer to not try to explain what I didn’t know and to focus on learning outside of myself. During those years, it was necessary to not focus on the downfalls of epilepsy to avoid falling into comparison. My purpose had been to focus on positivity and learning to not become depressed. Little did I know that I was neglecting self-care by concentrating on outside issues to protect myself.
As they say, we must shed what no longer serves us to continue growing. If I focused on the denial I was in, I would be disappointed and wishing it were different but remembering what it was like makes it understandable. Now, I have more knowledge of what was, I can decide how I’d like to change my ways to better serve me. What happened then was necessary and now is my time to grow from it.
Photo By: Valeria Miller https://unsplash.com/@valeriiamiller
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