Carrying Guardian
Have you ever heard stories of how protective a mother is of her child? Do you think she would do all that she can to ensure her child’s safety? This memory I share happened fifteen years ago.
From an early age I told myself that motherhood was out of the question because I feared epilepsy would hurt the baby while it was in my womb and that my medication would cause deformities. One day, I found out that I was pregnant. I was in shock and feeling guilty, but I did not want to deny the gift I was offered. I decided to believe again that there was a reason behind this, and that I would commit my best to see it through.
As my baby started growing inside me, I became paranoid of walking around my house alone during the day. I didn’t want anything to harm my tummy, and I had to do all that I could to protect the baby. Worrying that a seizure would cause me to fall and hurt the baby, I bought a big stuffed dog, Guardian. I carried Guardian around held to my stomach to soften any impact. Every time I felt a seizure warning, I sat down quickly and planted the dog around me hoping to prevent hitting my stomach or rolling to the ground. After an attack, I did my best to get to a safe location and tried my best to explain to my child what happened. I put these reviews into practice so that I’d know how to be open about myself when the time came. I made this my way of bonding with my baby and hoped it would help to build understanding between us.
After my daughter was born, Guardian became the small bed on my lap that held my daughter every time I breast fed her when I was alone. The stuffed dog helped to ensure me that she wouldn’t come off my lap and held her if I should have a seizure. I continued to openly share the situation with her, even before she could understand me. I didn’t want to pass fears onto her, but I did want her to be aware of our situation. There was no hiding the circumstances, and it was better to be openly honest with her from the start.
I’ll never know what my daughter felt or learned from the situation, but I do get a sense of understanding from her when I have difficult moments dealing with my reality. As silly as it seemed to have a big stuffed dog to help me protect my daughter and to inform her of everything before she could understand, I’m grateful that she is healthy and that we share an unbreakable bond. The memories of my past journey have proven that life may not be what we expect it to be but trying intentionally is a contribution and worth every effort.
Have you ever heard stories of how protective a mother is of her child? Do you think she would do all that she can to ensure her child’s safety?
From an early age I told myself that motherhood was out of the question because I feared epilepsy would hurt the baby while it was in my womb and that my medication would cause deformities. One day, I found out that I was pregnant. I was in shock and feeling guilty, but I did not want to deny the gift I was offered. I decided to believe again that there was a reason behind this, and that I would commit my best to see it through.
As my baby started growing inside me, I became paranoid of walking around my house alone during the day. I didn’t want anything to harm my tummy, and I had to do all that I could to protect the baby. Worrying that a seizure would cause me to fall and hurt the baby, I bought a big stuffed dog, Guardian. I carried Guardian around held to my stomach to soften any impact. Every time I felt a seizure warning, I sat down quickly and planted the dog around me hoping to prevent hitting my stomach or rolling to the ground. After an attack, I did my best to get to a safe location and tried my best to explain to my child what happened. I put these reviews into practice so that I’d know how to be open about myself when the time came. I made this my way of bonding with my baby and hoped it would help to build understanding between us.
After my daughter was born, Guardian became the small bed on my lap that held my daughter every time I breast fed her when I was alone. The stuffed dog helped to ensure me that she wouldn’t come off my lap and held her if I should have a seizure. I continued to openly share the situation with her, even before she could understand me. I didn’t want to pass fears onto her, but I did want her to be aware of our situation. There was no hiding the circumstances, and it was better to be openly honest with her from the start.
I’ll never know what my daughter felt or learned from the situation, but I do get a sense of understanding from her when I have difficult moments dealing with my reality. As silly as it seemed to have a big stuffed dog to help me protect my daughter and to inform her of everything before she could understand, I’m grateful that she is healthy and that we share an unbreakable bond. The memories of my past journey have proven that life may not be what we expect it to be but trying intentionally is a contribution and worth every effort.
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