Every Progression is Like a Seizure

As I reflect on my recovery, I think about how every bit of progress can stumble me to question what’s happening. Piecing my past and reality together, progression reminds me of the seizures I had. Obviously very different in nature and speed, but similar in how they throw me off the course I think I know and challenge me to face what is and make choices in the moment.

I know that it no longer is a seizure but I also know that it’s still neurological. Progression excites me, yet scares me. The more I progress the more I must face myself head on. I’m lucky that the dangers are no longer a threat and it gives me reason to tread carefully. I still envision walking one day but it won’t be accomplished until I thoroughly relearn my body.

I’ve realized that recovery isn’t only about being physically capable, it’s about being intuitive to every aspect of my person to be whole. A physical recovery is futile if every sensation throws my mind and emotions into my past.

I’ve chosen to surrender to exploring from my wheelchair for the time being so I can test my nerves in safety. I must learn what sensations are red flag signals and what aren’t, as well as what in my surroundings affect me. Much has changed since Epilepsy left my life and the defenses I’ve built are no longer required.

Progress has come little by little and I now feel ready to accept them as I used to be ready to accept my daily seizures. No matter the circumstances, I know that I’m growing and becoming who I am.