What do you fear when doing something daring to express yourself?
For me, my greatest fear is falling down and I do mean physically. My nervous system has been out of whack most of my life and I started learning my limitations when I was diagnosed with epilepsy. I was always a person who poured my heart into what I did, but little did I know that would be the cause of my mishaps.
In my past years, I listened to many people fret about not being good enough, looking like a fool and not being accepted. Though I had similar thoughts, these were the least of my concerns. My concern was that if I put my passion into the work I did, it would cause me to fall like a tree.
Nowadays, people assume that I’m relieved to have epilepsy behind me because I no longer have to worry about inevitable falls but this is not completely true. Regardless of no seizures, my stroke recovery is still neurological work and placing my full spirit into what I do will cause a fall eventually. Yes, it’s different than epilepsy but it places the same limitations and fears on my endeavors.
There are times when I’m willing to put myself out there and take the risk to feel alive but I’m aware that my body isn’t as resilient as it used to be, and my consequences have changed without epilepsy. Unconscious falls protected most of my body from trying to save myself and placed me, to a degree, out of harm’s way. Consciousness makes me react to save myself and it’s a greater risk of injury than it was before.
I never cared that I would look like a fool or that I would fail, my purpose has always been to live life to the fullest by placing my full spirit into what I do. Why do people see me quietly observing from the sidelines? Because I know my body can’t sustain my passion. When I’m determined or charged, I’d be shaking to the bone. When I’m happy, I’m in control for the moment and that use of energy will catch up to me later. I am most lively and at my best when I step outside the box and am daring, but I must remember to keep my energy at a sustainable level for my body.
We’ll, that’s enough about me, how about yourself? Do you harbor fears when being daring?