Fear of Falls

What do you fear when doing something daring to express yourself?

For me, my greatest fear is falling down and I do mean physically. My nervous system has been out of whack most of my life and I started learning my limitations when I was diagnosed with epilepsy. I was always a person who poured my heart into what I did, but little did I know that would be the cause of my mishaps.

In my past years, I listened to many people fret about not being good enough, looking like a fool and not being accepted. Though I had similar thoughts, these were the least of my concerns. My concern was that if I put my passion into the work I did, it would cause me to fall like a tree.

Nowadays, people assume that I’m relieved to have epilepsy behind me because I no longer have to worry about inevitable falls but this is not completely true. Regardless of no seizures, my stroke recovery is still neurological work and placing my full spirit into what I do will cause a fall eventually. Yes, it’s different than epilepsy but it places the same limitations and fears on my endeavors.

There are times when I’m willing to put myself out there and take the risk to feel alive but I’m aware that my body isn’t as resilient as it used to be, and my consequences have changed without epilepsy. Unconscious falls protected most of my body from trying to save myself and placed me, to a degree, out of harm’s way. Consciousness makes me react to save myself and it’s a greater risk of injury than it was before.

I never cared that I would look like a fool or that I would fail, my purpose has always been to live life to the fullest by placing my full spirit into what I do. Why do people see me quietly observing from the sidelines? Because I know my body can’t sustain my passion. When I’m determined or charged, I’d be shaking to the bone. When I’m happy, I’m in control for the moment and that use of energy will catch up to me later. I am most lively and at my best when I step outside the box and am daring, but I must remember to keep my energy at a sustainable level for my body.

We’ll, that’s enough about me, how about yourself? Do you harbor fears when being daring?

Published by Astrid's Words

Astrid Hardjana-Large is an inspirational author who enjoys Life and adversity. She is motivated to share her inspiration from Life experiences and encourages readers to persevere on the journey of Life.

4 thoughts on “Fear of Falls

  1. My wife, Marla, has Dystonia (due to having Wilson’s Disease) and her balance and walking gait is different than that of most people. Some adult neighbors in our neighborhood, in the past, even made fun of her… which i think is mentally sick and inhuman… like when Trump made fun of that gentleman who was handicapped. Now that i am getting older, my balance is not what it used to be. I used to climb steep cliffs in quarries searching for fossils… not any more. I worked as a teacher for students who happened to be multiply handicapped. I never saw any of them as being less than me.


  2. It must be difficult watching from the sidelines and trying to decide how much you can involve yourself. It sort of feels like all of us feel as we venture back out into the world we used to know!

    Liked by 1 person

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