I’ve spent months wondering why life is so confusing and why I feel like I’m not where I’m supposed to be. I realized that even though I am an adult, married with child, I’ve never had the chance to grow up. This is the first time I’ve been able to try growing up because I’m finally ready to let go of the epileptic person I used to be.
When epilepsy entered my life, my family wanted to protect me. I wanted to understand that they cared for me but I couldn’t accept dependency. I worked to try to be normal, thinking that I dealt with my condition, and didn’t realize that I spent most of my life avoiding the actual issue. The more help I received, the more I wanted to receive without knowing how to calculate my capabilities. The more time I spent trying to defy my seizures, the more I believed I had to be dependent for life. Despite wanting to believe this to make life easy, I knew that it’s not who I want to be.
I need to accept help from others but I don’t want to become the princess I’ve been for the past 26 years. I want to accept my lessons, grow into the adult I’m supposed to be and free the independent person in me.
It’s time for me to grow up, release my guilt and fears and discover who Astrid is. I don’t want Astrid to be pampered, I don’t want Astrid to be afraid to be loved or ask for care. I want to discover who Astrid is today and who she wants to be in the future. It’s time to be conscious of my capabilities and accept independence like a true adult.